(no subject)

[moonflower77]

Q/A with dreaming_brooke  about her visual associations (paraphrased):

Q: how do you see azila's sense of self?

A: i wouldn't call her fluid and ever-changing, like water or sand, or fading in and out like floating smoke - she is like the earth, not loose sand or soil but compost. rich, deep, dark, nutritious. fertile, full of potential. add water and life will grow and thrive there.

Q: when you think of azila's first assimilation, when she was altered, and the reassimilation (or return home), the internal feel of it for her, are there any differences in the imagery?

A: the second assimilation would feel like warm sand, rough and smooth at once, warm and comforting enough to put up with the initial discomfort and sensation of being buried until the feeling of being swaddled in a soft cocoon takes hold. the first assimilation, in contrast, is a hard locking in, a melting away of the ego that for a human would feel like slamming into rocks or being encased and hammered upon. a solid, hard feeling lasting until one became as still and deep and dark as the sea.

Q: what colors or images do you see when you think about the primordial state of harmony and unity in which azila spent 15 years? another friend said he saw blue and something womb-like.

A: the t'elx unity is more dynamic. there are off-white, yellowish hues - the hues of sand, nothing intense. internally, it's a mixture of this and literal wisps of sand and smoke, it's the texture that lives here, not the colors; there is constant movement and shifting. in addition, there are sudden bursts of bright fuchsia that correspond to strong emotion.

the ynwww colors are blue, gray, green and pale, light pink, also pastel yellows. internally, their unity would feel more static - more like laying in warm sand with a cool, gentle, tickling breeze constantly blowing against you, caressed by the sand. like being enclosed in a warm womb and/or submerged in liquid. airier than the t'elx unity, which would feel rocky rather than liquid - an energetic and perhaps heavier feeling.
*
the other day i remembered how sveta told me about a traditional russian drink one is supposed to consume on christmas eve. i forget its name, but it's a fermented (soured) jelly made from oatmeal flakes. sveta described it as one of the most revolting things in existence, but i guess it's an acquired taste, like head cheese or fermented milk. azila would also be partial to fermented milk drinks, such as sour milk, buttermilk or kefir, as well as plain sweet jellies (the non-fancy sort consisting of nothing but gelatine, sugar and water), raw eggs and congealed rich broth.
*
mbuta should have a very strong unfavorable opinion about the way initran appears to be hanging onto azila. she would see it as a sign that he had failed to convince her to return to his kind, that perhaps he wasn't persuasive enough or couldn't find the right arguments - that, or him being bent on having her remain at his side on purpose, even though it was killing her. she would see his behavior as grossly unethical and reprehensible.

she would have a heated argument with initran, during which she - a sedate person and radical opponent of any violence - would punch him and break his nose. after this, she would start to avoid him; if he happened to enter the room, she would stand up and leave without a single word. she would continue to associate with azila, but would make it clear that she doesn't approve of her relationship with initran and would refuse to speak about him just as she won't speak to him. being forced to watch azila die right in front of her would be an intense and altogether unbearable feeling for her, and she may mistake whatever is happening for initran's killing azila in an indirect and passive manner, the same way he has been killing himself - him wanting to take her with him because of her resemblance to sunim. in actual fact, he would pulling her down alongside himself as any drowning person would, whether he wanted to do so or not, but one could argue there was an even darker aspect to the relationship which mbuta had sensed.

i have an auditory image of mbuta saying about the two of them, possibly after azila collapses in the laboratory and has to be taken to hospital: "she will remain here until he dies. so what, are they going to play roulette and see who would be the first?" this, of course, would be foreshadowing - this is exactly what is going to happen, azila will return for re-assimilation only once initran is killed and nothing holds her in the human world anymore.
*
after (or prior) to her re-assimilation azila would make herself an ambassador's robe. she wouldn't need any clothes to protect her from the elements, but they would be necessary to make her a more comfortable and familiar sight when she negotiates with human representatives, and to observe the necessary standards of modesty and decency. it'd be the first item of traditional clothing the t'elx had ever had.

the robe/dress itself would be really simple, like a plain straight djellaba with wide 3/4 or short sleeves dyed with a bright azure indigo and decorated with darker midnight blue inlays. the main fabric would be a heavy draping linen, while the decorations could be made of indigo-dyed cotton battered to create a metallic sheen (think of the shiny neon-blue power robes tuvok wears when he has the meditation practice/lessons with kes and b'elanna). her hands and feet would be almost hidden, except for the tips of the claws, by light brown or beige sheath-like gloves and soft-soled boots made of suede, which would serve to make her a little less threatening.

she would incorporate the uv-reflective markings invisible to the human eye into the design, and possibly the violet ones as well. in a sense, one may regard this as symbolic of the t'elx gaining a "face" after they re-incorporated her into the new role - them becoming less of a featureless swarm, a mere mass of drones that can't be understood or communicated with, or an undecipherable mystery, and more of a culture with certain recognizable elements a human would be able to relate to, and at least one member who can be spoken to face-to-face. the bright blue color could also be read as representing transcendence, healing and tranquility, as well as the return to a stable, balanced, healthy state (in more than the basic sense of those words).

before then, she would have never worn blue and it's suit her really well and bring out an aspect of her which had remained hidden before.
*
i could see azila's doctor, an emotive and hot-tempered man, flipping out and having a fit of hysterics (albeit a perfectly justified one) over her attitude to her health. "what is this? no, i'm asking YOU - what IS this?" he shakes her medical papers in front of her face. an MRI/CAT scan, she replies. "i know it's a CAT scan! what matters is that it's the CAT scan of a PATTISON! one week, two weeks and you will be dead - do you realize that?"

she stands there completely still like a stone statue and stares at him in a way that would have made anybody else uneasy. finally, she asks: "your suggestion?" / "what do (i, we) do?" / "what should (i, we) do?"i wouldn't call her voice calm, but it'd be so even one wouldn't be able to read anything into it, other than that she is aware of what is going on, and has been all along.

"GO BACK, that's what!" he would all but throw the papers into her. "i don't want to have a dead patient on my hands - dead because we didn't have enough time to take her to the hive cluster when she collapsed!"

afterward he would storm out and slam the door shut behind him.

azila would go out of her way to hide her deteriorating condition from initran. he would be the last to find out. the news may only reach him after she collapsed in the laboratory and was taken to the neurological unit of the local hospital for a two-week stay. he would be angry at first, on the surface, but underneath there would be frustration and extreme concern; it'd be his instinctive response to all this crashing down on top of him without any warning. azila would remind him that when he had told her to go back to the t'elx and she did but changed her mind at the last moment, he hadn't told her about the prospect of court marshal for letting her escape, either. the two of them are really similar in that respect - each bottles up negative emotions, health issues and other problems on a regular basis in an attempt not to be a burden on the other, but this eventually backfires, causing even greater distress to the one they have been trying to protect.

newer notes about the ynwww:

their bodies are rounded, ray-like. although they have a venomous sting/bite, they are not aggressive unless hunting or actively threatened or provoked. they hunt in packs and kill prey with their teeth. personality-wise, they tend to be outgoing, curious and playful, like dolphins, or avoid people altogether. their venom is a neurotoxin that produces a novocaine-like numbness in the affected area, along with pins and needles, and hallucinations not unlike those induced by magic mushrooms, which tend to be unpleasant and are best classified as a "bad trip". larger doses may cause muscular paralysis throughout the body and eventual death through asphyxia (due to paralysis of the diaphragm).

they may have a striking warning coloration similar to that of the blue-ringed octopus: when they are agitated, the darker brown patches on their medium-tan bodies darken dramatically, glowing neon-blue dots appear in the middle and start to pulsate, expanding into throbbing tiger stripes, their inside dark and the contour traced in brilliant blue, and contracting again. their venom may be not unlike tetradoxin, which is found in these octopuses, or, say, pufferfish (fugu), though not quite as lethal and different in that minor doses would have a hallucinogenic effect. all in all, they would be at once adorable and dangerous, even deadly.

azila would regard them as a blessing, albeit a short-term one. they may recognize her almost as one of their own, at least as a fellow hive-creature, because of her hormonal background or scent (pheromones). others might be surprised that she isn't afraid of them because they are venomous and parts of her body are unprotected, and she would just give that person a perplexed stare and ask: afraid of what? after a pause, she would add: more afraid of you. she may apologize afterward once she realizes she may have said something blunt and not entirely comfortable.